I remember the days when I had lots of presents under the tree and a stocking that overflowed with goodies. I even remember that one time when all I had was a lump of coal in my stocking...
Yes, it is true. I once got a lump of coal.
Of course, we all know that getting coal in your stocking is the undisputable sign that you have been a bad kid that year. I can honestly say that I do not remember what was so bad about that year compared to any other but the fact remains that Santa Claus thought I was bad that year.
It has been roughly 25 years since that lump of coal was in my stocking. Times have changed and so have I. Today, I have a wife and five children of my own whom I have had to remind that if they are bad they might receive a lump of coal in their stocking instead of fun goodies.
I guess I was wrong...apparently with the economy in such bad shape and with all the push to switch to renewable energy sources and conserve fossil fuels, Santa has had to make some adjustments as well. I wonder how much coal Santa normally uses each year? How big of an impact will that have if all Santa's coal stash could go toward heating homes instead?
Unfortunately, all seven of us must have been bad this year because we were able to find out first-hand how Santa has adapted to the economic crisis among us.
No coal from ol' Mr. Claus this year, Santa brought us vomit instead. Maybe it was a sick joke or maybe Santa had a few too many egg nogs before he hopped in the sleigh or maybe the elves screwed up something in the orders. Maybe Santa didn't like the cookies we left and he tossed them for us. I am not sure what all of us did that was so bad but the kids were blowing chunks all over the place, mom spewed a couple times, and I felt queasy but only had some diarrhea. Weird, but maybe there is some truth to all the people telling me to get my head out of there...
For the most part, everything came and went over the holiday. Thanks a lot, Santa! I didn't even get any Christmas ham thanks to you, and I love ham.
Oh well, I am not a kid anymore Santa, I am a comabt veteran now. You can't mess with me and expect to get away so easily. You know what they say about paybacks...
(now where is that recipe for ex-lax chip cookies that uses syrup of ipecac...)
