30 June 2008

Deer - Satan's Helpers

Ok, I am offically declaring that I think deer suck!

All they do is threaten to kill me several times every week. Sometimes they stand in the road and wait for me and other times they dash out when I am least expecting it.

Just this year, so far, two deer have made contact with my car. There literally must have been at least a hundred that have tried though.

The first contact, I was actually charged. It was almost as if it thought I was the one doing the threatening. It came out of the ditch and head-butted my driver door. What the heck! Scared the peaches out of me. Whatever the reason for attacking me, I won... stupid deer - made him do a face plant on the blacktop. Try flanking an Intrepid going 55 mph again, idiot.

The second time this year must of been a deer that was dared by her friends to play a game of chicken with that white one coming down the road. I managed to slow down a little bit but still hit her. I just clipped the back legs and had her doing a little slip-n-slide on her hind quarters for a few yards before she ran off again. You know her friends were still in the ditch on the other side laughing in a strange deer kind of way.

So, what is the deal? I see more deer than anything else on the road. I am not constantly dodging cats, dogs, bear, foxes, skunks, porcupines, raccoons, wolves, squirrels, chipmunks, badgers, etc. with my car. JUST THE DEER!

GOOD GRIEF! Get out of the stinkin' road, you dumb animals. I swear they must be Satan's helpers because they are always the ones out there causing accidents. Always the deer. I hate deer.

I am not a hunter but have often thought that I would take up the sport just kill a few. Someone else can have the meat. I just want to kill the deer.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well written article.